Being Seen by Another

We hosted a small group of seniors at the barn recently as part of our Silver Stirrups program. The activity selected was to quietly share a personal story or challenge with a horse, and then to just listen to what arose during their time together. Everyone could choose their horse. One participant was immediately drawn to our senior horse Dakota. Dakota is an old soul, calm and dignified. 

We offered participants chairs to sit inside the paddock to provide comfort on this hot day. I moved the chair inside, and at first our participant was unsure whether to sit or stand. Dakota tipped the chair over. I had never seen him play with chairs (or props) before in the 5 years I’ve known him. We took it to mean he wished her to sit. She did so and engaged him with a series of soft words, gentle stroking, brushing, and kissing. Dakota responded by staying very close, and in equine language became completely present to her, with head down, eyes soft/closed, loose lower lip, and touching her gently. 

Dakota knew what she needed; it was very moving to witness. And then at one point he looked at me as if to say "I see you too".

What can we learn if we ask our deep questions and then quietly listen to what wisdom emerges, from our own being, from other beings around us, from the life force that moves through us all? 

P.S. Dakota recently turned 37 years old, which is 111 in human years!

What can you learn (about yourself) when you lead a horse?

The phrase “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” is so true. But, have you considered how the act of leading a horse can bring personal insights for the person doing the leading?

Recently, I met with several new volunteers to conduct their barn team training, which includes the essential tasks to care for our horses. These volunteers will work by themselves, so this role requires responsibility and good judgment. It also requires basic horsemanship skills such as haltering and leading. These volunteers come to us with varying horse experience; no experience is required at the beginning, as we will teach what is needed. While good haltering and leading include techniques which can be learned by demonstration and practice, there is also the key element of relationship between each human and horse that is even more important.

The horses respond to us as individuals, as they do other members of their herd.
They learn who we “be”.

A reliance on just technique is very limiting as what works on one day for one horse may not be effective on the same horse the next day. Or a different horse on the same day. Like us, and other mammals, horses experience emotions and moods. For example, several of our herd members really slow down when the weather gets hot, and perhaps even get “cranky”, something some of us can relate to! If the technique is not working, just trying harder or becoming forceful can result in frustration and reduced trust. 

What is being called for when the haltering/leading is not going smoothly, is awareness and adaptivity and shifting to another approach. I have seen this lesson unfold differently for each volunteer, and delight in witnessing the “lightbulb” that goes off as the volunteer tries, learns, adjusts, and tries again. And the horse too, almost as if saying “oh, so that is what you want, okay”. 

One horse could be led by a feather. Another horse, our lead mare, is looking for the leader in the relationship. What makes a good leader? Qualities include quiet confidence, clear communication, being present and attentive, showing respect, and gaining trust. Giving timely praise is also important! All of these qualities are effective and enhance our human relationships too.

An equine experience is a potent opportunity to gain awareness about your own leadership style, to practice showing up in a way that is more effective while also being authentic to who you are, all while being with a non-judgmental and responsive 4-legged partner. 

Intrigued? - take a step now and contact me to see how this opportunity can support you. 
In-person sessions at our beautiful facility in the Longmont, CO area. 

How Horses Helped Me Learn about Myself

I was feeling burned out and confused. I had recently left a long-time career and did not know what I was going to do next. I was caregiving long-distance for my Dad who had dementia and worried about the next call that would have me travel there to deal with the crisis. I had no family to support me.

I looked for anything that could provide some relief, some healing, some clarity. Books, blogs, movies, articles. I researched on-line. I was intrigued to find something called “equine-facilitated learning” workshops that offered a chance to connect with a horse and have quiet space to explore more about who I was, what I wanted, needed, and even some healing. I love horses and nature. I grew up riding horses in Michigan, and thrilled in the freedom of that feeling. So, I signed up for one workshop, and then another, and another. I traveled to several locations out-of-state to experience different facilitators.

What I learned early on was so helpful. The workshop facilitator would lead participants through a process to allow more feeling from our body and to get us out of our head. I admit, this was so hard for me. But standing outside in nature, breathing, feeling my feet on the ground, my heart beating, I entered the space with my equine friend. We would beautifully connect, I could lean into the horse, whisper, walk and trot together. Just wonderful. And then the horse would suddenly just lose interest in me and walk away to nibble at some grass at the edge of the round pen.

“What is going on for you?” the facilitator would ask me. I couldn’t imagine. It took only a short time to figure out, but it become clear that I had returned to my habit of being in my head space. I worried about whether I was doing this exercise “right”, or I was thinking about the check-list of tasks I was going to accomplish when I left the workshop. All of the usual “monkey mind” stuff. I was no longer experiencing the present moment and had spaced-out. And, catching myself in this awareness I could choose to reconnect to all of me and experience how my horse reconnected too.

I discovered I could relax into myself in the presence of a horse, that I felt safe with no judgement around my failures or accomplishments. While this emotion was similar to being with my very loved cats, the distinction was that the horse would walk away when I was not authentic and honest with my feelings and clear about my intention and communication.

My essence was seen in the soulful eyes of the horse.